On December 20th, 2009, my life changed forever. I received news from my parents, who were in a New York City hospital, that my sister Alana Kay had passed away. She was 3 months shy of turning 3. I remembered feeling this strange emptiness. I didn't blink or cry or scream or yell. I was silent. I simply said, "Okay."
I had to inform my siblings what had transpired. That was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. A few days later, we held a funeral for Alana. I finally felt the pent up emotions swell like a 100 foot wave and crash ruining every fiber of my being. I wept…uncontrollably. For the next couple years following my sister's death, I was lost. I stared into a deep, dark, endless void, and it swallowed me whole. Truthfully, I don't recall very much that transpired during those years. In 2011, I finally realized how unfathomably depressed I truly was. I had lost something so precious and pure, and it broke me. But I needed to face it head on and guide my ship through the storm. So I began writing. What started as poetry turned into lyrics and music. The more I wrote, the better I felt. I found myself opening up and being honest about both my struggles and successes. Healing began to take place; sadness turned to happiness; anger turned to love.
Having a child of my own in 2011 fostered that healing and my mind was clearer than it had been in years. Admittedly, I still struggle with my sister's passing; I always will. But knowing how much music meant to her always brings me back to a place of joy. I know she is still with me, and her song will forever be a part of me.
Shortly after my Alana passed away, I was blessed with a rare moment of clarity while riding the train to New Jersey. These words have resonated with me for years.
Now I know I'll be okay.
Now I know I'll find my way.
Cause I've been through dark seas before,
But may healing tides lead me ashore.
I've appropriately decided to name my album ASHORE. I found my way to land after sailing through the storm. My hope is that if any of you have lost your way and can't seem to lift yourself up and go on, you'll find some measure of comfort in the story I've written. It may be my autobiography, but this album is meant for you, the listener. And if you find yourself in the midst of life's most difficult trials, remember this little mantra: In the absence of hope, seek the light. There is always light. There is always hope. There is always healing.
With All My Love,
May healing tides lead you ashore